Day 12 ~ 30 Days of Truth

Day 12 — Something you never get compliments on.

30 Days of Truth

I saw this topic and said, “What?!?!”, I mean what in the world could I possibly say without sounding full of myself or whiny because someone hasn’t noticed how awesome I am!

So since I can’t think of anything then I guess that someone has complimented me at some point in my life about all the different things about me that are awesome!

Honestly, I don’t expect compliments. And if there’s something that deserves a compliment then it’s probably something that people don’t know a lot about!

So for now that’s it.

Want to know more about 30 Days of Truth? Check out the first post here!

Day 11 ~ 30 Days of Truth

Day 11 — Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

30 Days of Truth

So this is the perfect post to fill with pictures. But I can’t. Why you ask…. well my computer that has all of my pictures, music, and everything else on it died.

I’ll share what pictures that I have on this computer to illustrate my point.

Anyway, here’s the first one.

High School Pic

By now you’re wondering what it is that people compliment me on. Well, my hair.

I don’t always like my hair, it’s not straight, it’s not really curly, and it has a mind of it’s own. It’s thick and coarse so I don’t have that nice smooth hair that many people have that I admire.

Over the summer I decided to cut it short. Not the best idea because it requires a lot more work and I’m lazy and straighten my hair takes forever.

So as soon as the computer is up and running again I’ll add some pictures!

Want to know more about 30 Days of Truth? Check out the first post here!

Day 10 ~ 30 Days of Truth

Day 10 — Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

30 Days of Truth

I’ve spent some time thinking about this and wasn’t sure if there was a person in my life that I needed to let go, or someone that I wish I didn’t know. There has to be someone, right?

Well, I thought about it for a while more and it finally came to me.

When I was married to my first husband we had many friends in common, male and female. There were a couple (female) with whom I became very good friends with. We had a great friendship, talked every day, and got together at least once a week. They were there when I had my youngest two daughters, with us for holidays, birthdays, and we even all went on a vacation together.

They were two of the closest friends that I had ever had.

When my husband and I split up and divorced the friendships became strained. I will admit that part of it was my fault and I apologized for it, more than once.

They chose sides and it wasn’t mine.

I quickly learned that they weren’t as good of friends as I thought. I was devastated.

After some time had passed we started talking again, but it wasn’t the same as before. Friend #1 wasn’t sure if she could be a friend again and friend #2 wouldn’t speak with me at all. I thought that if persisted and worked at it we would rebuild a friendship.

I emailed and tried to start and maintain conversations to no avail with friend #1. She’s invited me over and I’ve gone over to hang out, but things were tense or maybe it was just me that noticed it. She hasn’t come to my home though.

Eventually friend #2 came around and started talking to me again. Whenever we see one another we talk for a while and catch up, but we’re not friends like we were. Just acquaintances. I think that if I needed something or if one of the girls did she’d try her best to help me.

I’ve know for a long time that we won’t rebuild those friendships, nor will we come close to it. There will always be distance between us and this saddens me. I hope that I will have a close friendship again like that.

I’ve come to realize that I need to let them go. The friendships are over. Done.

Want to know more about 30 Days of Truth? Check out the first post here!

Day 8 ~ 30 Days of Truth

Day 8 — Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

30 Days of Truth

I’m sure that I can come up with more than a few people who have done this. But the first person that came to mind is my oldest daughters dad.

I had blinders on when I was with him or I was just plain stupid because I have no other reason why I stayed with him for as long as I did. The best part though is that I finally left and moved on with my life and my daughter and I are in a much better place.

I met him at a bar (sirens should have went off here) that friends and I went to frequently for dancing and fun. He worked there as a DJ and he was cute and all that other crap that pulls you to a person. I was young & stupid so I fell for him.

As we got to know one another I learned that he had a son with his ex-girl friend and that they were in high school when they had him (more sirens…). I thought nothing of it and continued on with the relationship.

So time passed and we bought a home together and when he invited his parents over they were shocked because they thought that he and his ex had worked things out and it was her that they would find at the house (again… I must have been deaf to not hear those damn sirens). Eventually, they got used to me but I don’t think that they ever actually liked or accepted me.

He asked me to marry him and I was all shades of excited! I couldn’t wait! I had a house, a great job, a guy and that I was going to marry. He used to introduce me as his ‘wife’ (slightly possessive… maybe) when we were out. I always thought that it was weird, but let it go.

I found out that I was pregnant and had so many mixed emotions. I was happy, sad, scared, worried, and more. I didn’t know what to do or how to take care of a baby and to top if off my family was three hours away. We talked about it and I thought that everything was okay and was pretty happy about the baby.

Everything was good throughout the pregnancy. He went to every appointment with me and his parents even came around a bit and seemed to like me.

We welcomed a beautiful baby girl into our lives. She was absolutely perfect and I loved her more than life itself (still do too).

Life continued on but I didn’t end up going back to work and any time I went anywhere I got the third degree. When I went over to my friends house who lived down the road for a play date he’d get upset by it. There were times that my friend had invited me to go out with her and some other friends but he would accuse me of going out to pick up men or something like that. So I didn’t go.

Accusation continued and instead of just working at the radio station he also decided to start DJing  again on the weekend at a bar. Things went downhill. He was always coming home late and when I asked him about it he’d say that he was working, helping out there at the bar. He was lying.

Lying and turning things around so they sounded good was something he was and still is good at. He tells a lie like no other and if you didn’t know him you wouldn’t think twice about believing him. To this day I don’t trust a damn word that comes out of his mouth.

He had this pager (yea, it was a LONG time ago) and I’d check it and the voice mail. There was some girl that he was talking to pretty regularly and when I questioned him about it he blew it off saying that it was some girl that came to the bar all the time (I hear something…. sirens maybe?).

This went on for a while and one day I was in his car looking for something and in the glove box was a card to him from the girl. And again he had a story for it but I knew that it was a lie. I knew that he was cheating.

In May of that year I went home to see my brother graduate from high school and see him off as he left for Marine bootcamp. At this point I should mention that I didn’t have a car that was working and that my brother came and got me. After he left for bootcamp my mom let me take the car back home.

It wasn’t long, barely a month before I went back down to my moms. I couldn’t stand being in that house anymore. I couldn’t stand being around him.

The blinders were off and the sirens were loud and clear.

He called. And called. I ignored him.

Eventually, he came down and tried to get me to come home and I refused. I wanted a better life for myself and my daughter.

I did end up going back up and getting all of our stuff and moving in with my mom. Yes, at 24 years old I moved back in with my mom.

I got a job, my dad fixed my car, and I moved into my own place. I was free.

I was wrong. He served me with child custody papers stating that I was an unfit parent and that he wanted full custody of our daughter. He lost. I won.

There’s so much more to this story that will leave you wondering how could he be that way? Why would he treat his own child that way? But for now I’ll leave it here.

I will say that his 15 year old daughter is amazing and that he has missed out on the best years of her life. She hasn’t seen him in over 2 years and we like it that way.

What about you? Has someone made your life hell, or treated you like shit?

Want to know more about 30 Days of Truth? Check out the first post here!

Day 7 ~ 30 Days of Truth

Day 7 — Someone who has made your life worth living for.

30 Days of Truth

Well, who has made my life worth living? Simple. My family.

My husband and children are the most important people in my life and they have been there with me through thick and thin. Through the ups and downs and every where in between.

I should thank them more, I should be more patient, more open, and tell them how much I love and appreciate them more often because I probably don’t do it often enough.

Without them I don’t know where I’d be. It’s them that make my life worth living for.

Want to know more about 30 Days of Truth? Check out the first post here!

Day 6 ~ 30 Days of Truth

Day 6 — Something you hope you never have to do.

30 Days of Truth

This one is easy. To easy actually and it is honestly something that I never, ever want to do and something that nobody should ever have to do.

Plain and simple, I never want to see my children suffer whether it be from illness or another person treating them wrong.

I never want to have to watch my child die.

I never want to bury one of my children no matter how old they are because I know it will be something that I won’t be able to handle.

Want to know more about 30 Days of Truth? Check out the first post here!

Day 5 – 30 Days of Truth

Day 5 — Something you hope to do in your life.

30 Days of Truth

Well, this should be easy because there are so many things that I hope to do in my lifetime. I mean nothing lofty like world peace or solving the hunger problems of the world either. I prefer to stick to things that I can actually do.

Let’s make a list, shall we!

Raise my kids to be the best adults that they can be. This is simple, right? Nope. It’s not as easy as you think especially when you’re not a perfect person (gee… hope you weren’t actually thinking that I was the picture of perfection). I know that there are more times than should be allowed where I know I’ve screwed up and I can’t take it back. Live and learn and hope for the best is all I can do in those situations. We always want our kids to do better than we did and I’m pretty sure that mine will do just that.

Education is important to me and it should be to everyone else. I made a mess out of things when I was younger and didn’t finish college like I should have until recently. I loved going back and finishing. I loved learning new things and looked forward to my classes. I would really love to be able to go back and get my bachelors degree and even my masters. I’d even like to go to classes just because they sound interesting. But there’s a cost involved with that and the price tag is pretty high.

To go along with all that education stuff I’m a history fan. I want to visit historic places throughout the U.S. and Europe. I like traveling and want to do it before I’m old and decrepit and can’t enjoy it all.

Now something more short term and easier to do would be the ability to work from home so I’m able to spend more time with my kids. My kids are the most important things in my life next to my husband. Now granted the girls are a bit older, but there are still things I can do from home with them and for them. Then there’s my son who is just about a year old now and I want to be there to teach him right from wrong, how to write his name, and all the fun things toddlers do (crazy right!?) instead of the babysitter.

What about you? Is there something special that you hope to do in your life?

Want to know more about 30 Days of Truth? Check out the first post here!

Day 4 ~ 30 Days of Truth

I’m sorry if you’ve been following along and didn’t see a new post on Sunday. I took the day off!

Day 4 — Something you have to forgive someone for.

30 Days of Truth

I started this post Sunday evening and couldn’t think of something that I needed to forgive someone for. I slept on it. And now I am back thinking about it again.

To be honest, I can’t think of anything. I know… I know. Sounds pretty weird doesn’t it? I am sure that in my lifetime something has happened and I need to forgive the person. But I am the type of person that doesn’t let things get to me or take things to personally. And if there is something that has really bothered me eventually I let it go because there is no reason to be mad or upset with a person for a long time.

Life is short and we shouldn’t spend our time being angry with people. Let it go, move on, and enjoy life.

——————

Oh, you’re wondering about my parents? Did I forgive them for the way they acted? Yes, I did a long time ago. Again,  life it to short to hold a grudge and they are the only parents I have.

Want to know more about 30 Days of Truth? Check out the first post here!

Day 3 ~ 30 Days of Truth

Day 3 – Something you have to forgive yourself for.

30 Days of Truth

“Weep for yourself man and you’ll never be what is in your heart” Mumford and Sons

That quote is from the song “Little Lion Man” and my great friend Jill from Single Mom on a Budget Tweeted it on Friday and I told her that it’s the perfect quote for today’s prompt. I had to use it.

The first thing that came to mind is something that I’ve been dealing with and have pretty much come to terms with. But I’m not ready to share that with the world (or my small corner of it) yet. Maybe someday.

Instead, there’s something else I’ll share that I’ve forgiven myself for.

Most of you know that I have 4 kids. But what you may not know is that they all don’t have the same dad. As a matter of fact they have 3 different dads. Go ahead…. think it… say it in the comments….I can handle it.

I have made many mistakes in my life and have learned from those mistakes. That’s part of being human. If we didn’t make mistakes or wrong decisions then there would seriously be something wrong with us and we’d never learn anything.

When my oldest daughter was born I wasn’t married, but I was engaged to the person that I thought that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I didn’t see it at the time but my parents didn’t like him. As a matter of fact they were very upset with me when they found out that I was pregnant and when I went into labor and had my daughter none of my family was there.

Everything was great for a while and then things changed. He was more controlling, he was gone a lot more than he used to be… working he told me, there were lies on top of lies that I just didn’t see. My eyes were finally opened and I was able to see what was going on. I moved out and back in with my mom. Many times he tried to get me to come back. Thankfully I didn’t.

Later I met my first husband, when my daughter was almost 2.  He was great with my daughter and she loved him. I suppose that you can figure out what happened…. Yup, pregnant. And of course this time my parents were very vocal about their disappointment in me.

I was upset. Angry. Hurt. My dad was actually talking about disowning me. It was the worst feeling ever and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to get my parents to change their minds about everything and more so my dad. Once again my family wasn’t there when I delivered my 2nd daughter. My in laws were there though and were very supportive.

Almost a year later we got married and 2 years after that we had daughter number 3. This time my family was very accepting of the pregnancy and there were no comments or anything. It was all because I was married and having a child out of wedlock was wrong. Unheard of. It brought shame upon them.

Eventually, that relationship ended. Again my parents were upset with me. They wanted me to work it out and make the marriage work. But it wasn’t possible for many reasons that aren’t part of this post.

I love my parents and I know that they’ve always loved me. And I know that they’ve always wanted the best for me. But it hurt me when they reacted the way they did and it hurt when they spoke the words they did. And it was my fault. Every bit of it.

I carried the hurt around for a long time. And for just as long I knew that it was my fault.

Time passed and as it did I learned that it wasn’t all my fault and that part of it was them and a lack of communication.

I had to learn to forgive myself and stop feeling like I failed my parents and accept that I have the most beautiful children. That I made decisions that changed my life for the better and my parents as well.

Want to know more about 30 Days of Truth? Check out the first post here!

Day 2 ~ 30 Days of Truth

Day 2 – Something you love about yourself.

30 Days of Truth

This is going to prove difficult! It was so much easier to think of something about myself that I didn’t like because there was so much more to choose from. But what do I like? Well, to be honest I’m not really sure.

I could be all shallow and say that I like the color of my eyes (they’re blue) because they stand out with my dark hair. But that just wouldn’t do the post justice. Also, it’d be cop out.

Now that I’ve sat here and wasted close to 30 minutes pondering my life, myself, and what I like about it. I may have something.

My children. They are what I love about me. I love the way they’ve turned out despite my raising them! I mean I am far from the perfect June Cleaver type mom! I’m actually closer to Roseanne to be honest.

I’ve made mistakes and I’ve learned from them. I’ve had to make changes on the fly as I muddled through parenthood and I’ve had to let go at times so my kids could make their own decisions and mistakes and learn from them. And truthfully, I’ll continue on doing things the same way for the next 18 years!

I have the four most beautiful children in the world, or at least I think so, and they’re the best part of me.

They are what I love most about me and I wouldn’t change having them for anything in the world.

My Kids

The Greatest Kids!

Want to know more about 30 Days of Truth? Check out the first post here!