Never

This post has been swimming around in my head for a few days and I’m finally getting around to writing it. I’m not sure why it’s taken so long… I guess life and everything got in the way.

Anyway, here it goes.

When I was younger I would fight with my sister, do something wrong, irritate my mom, or whatever it is that kids do to get in trouble. My mom would yell, threaten, and eventually follow through with one of the threats. Worse yet… ground me (I hated being grounded). Chances are there were times that I actually deserved it regardless of the fact that I’m sure I was never at fault and it was always my sisters fault.

There were times though that nobody did anything wrong.

There were more times than not that I’d say to myself, ‘I will never do that when I’m a parent’ or ‘I won’t talk that way when I’m a parent’ or ‘I’ll never act like that when I have kids’.

never

Never say never.

As time goes by something has happened… something scary and something that I never thought would happen. I am turning into my mom and I’m finding myself doing all of those things that I always told myself that I would never do. I hate it. I hate ever single time it happens. The sad thing is that I don’t even realize that I’m doing it until after the fact and then I pause and want to literally kick myself.

I often wonder is it part of our genetic makeup that we will inevitably turn into our parents. Maybe behaviors are just part of who we are like the color of our eyes, the exact shade of brown hair that one of our parents has, or how you can tell that people are siblings. I question it all the time.

I didn’t have the best childhood and there is quite a bit that I don’t remember. Most of that time was before I moved out of my moms house and in with my dad and stepmom. I never want to act the way she did or treat my kids in a similar manner and I have gone out of my way (obviously not enough) to not be that person and to be a good mom, to give my kids everything they need/want, and to always be there.

I’ve made it a point lately to really think before I speak, to be more open, and make sure that when I do and how I act is me and not the way my mom acted. I won’t lie… it’s not easy, but I am determined to do this and not continue to turn into her.

Please, don’t get me wrong. I do love my mom and wish that she where here to be a part of my life as well as her grandkids, but sometimes life doesn’t go the way we expect it.

My kids will always be important to me, they will always know that I love them, and that I will do whatever I can to support them in what they do. I don’t want the their memories of me to be of them upset with them, yelling at them, or anything like that.

Do you ever find yourself noticing traits or actions that your parents did when you were a kid? Did you ever say that you’d never do something once you became a parent?

It’s a little late but I’m linking up with Shell for her weekly linky… Pour Your Heart Out.┬áStop by her place and see what others are talking about this week.

 

14 Responses to Never
  1. MIZFIT
    July 11, 2013 | 7:33 am

    All all all the flipping time…and more this summer :/

    • Jackie
      July 12, 2013 | 2:26 pm

      Summer has to be worse because their all home from school… right?

  2. Aleta
    July 11, 2013 | 10:47 am

    My son is only 4 1/2 months old. I had a happy childhood, though I realize my mom was a little more on the controlling side. Part of me says this is a bad thing… but the other part says… Hmmm, I don’t mind how I turned out. Thus, I’m trying to balance a line of being me and understanding the value of my mom. I’m in a different situation than your upbringing, but I understand it and I wonder how I will progress as a mom. Honestly, I worry more that I won’t be as good of a mom as my mom was for me…

    • Jackie
      July 12, 2013 | 2:25 pm

      Oh! You’ll be a great mom for sure especially if you had such a good role model. I wouldn’t worry to much about it.. you’ll know if and when you do something wrong. :)

  3. Becca - My Crazy Good Life
    July 11, 2013 | 12:10 pm

    Don’t we all? I really think that – but the important thing to remember is that we are all trying our best and improving with each day. :)

    • Jackie
      July 12, 2013 | 2:14 pm

      You’re absolutely right. Each day we can do a little better than the previous day… that’s what I hope for.

  4. angie
    July 11, 2013 | 4:53 pm

    I only wish I were like my mother. She never lost her patience with me, and I can assure you I was a BRAT. She rarely raised her voice at me and she only spanked me once. I lose my patience with my kids. I definitely yell at them. As adults they’ll recall being spanked more than once. For sure.

    • Jackie
      July 12, 2013 | 2:13 pm

      I’m not as patient as I’d like to be that’s for sure. I see some parents that should be sainted because of how patient they are with their kids!

  5. Beeb
    July 11, 2013 | 7:42 pm

    I don’t have kids but I never say “Never”, LOL. There’s know way to know what a situation is like until you live it, so I make no assumptions. There was a Louis C.K. stand-up sketch on this very topic that I was thinking about just the other night, LOL!

    • Jackie
      July 12, 2013 | 2:12 pm

      OMG… never… I think once you say that you’ll never do something you’ve cursed yourself to do that exact thing!

  6. Melissa
    July 12, 2013 | 7:18 am

    All the time and I don’t like it, LOL! I’m trying harder to be more conscious of what I say and how I react around my kids.

    • Jackie
      July 12, 2013 | 2:12 pm

      It’s hard! All of a sudden you said or did something and realize it’s what your parents did or would have done.

  7. Shell
    July 12, 2013 | 9:55 am

    My roommate in college and I kept a running list of the things we’d “never” do when we were moms. I don’t think I’ve done much on that list yet, but that had to do with older kids.

    There are times I fight so hard against the way that my parents were that I go too far in the opposite direction.

    • Jackie
      July 12, 2013 | 2:11 pm

      I’ve done that too, gone in the other direction. Somewhere there is a happy medium that needs to found.

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