Life Well Blogged – To Bliss and Back

I love reading and finding all sorts of good things to read. I suppose that’s why I love the Goodreads site so much… it never fails me. Of course friends, Facebook, and blogs lead me to some pretty fun reads. And that is exactly what happened a few weeks ago!

I was reading a blog, entered their giveaway, and then won! What I won was Laughing Aloud – Life Well Blogged and it was great and from there I found out about To Bliss and Back. Hilarious stuff! It’s like all of your favorite bloggers all wrapped up into one neat little book.

Life Well Blogged - To Bliss and Back

Every night I snuggle down into bed with the covers pulled up around me and my trusty Kindle in front of me. I read about the real ups and downs of relationships and marriage from real, everyday people just like me. It’s kind of refreshing for a change and it’s funny for sure! OH… and just in case you don’t have a Kindle they have an actual book too.

Below you can check out a little bit of the book and see just how good it is and to make it a bit nicer they’re donating a portion of the proceeds to Sandy relief.

Check Life Well Blogged out on their blogFacebook, and Twitter.

 

First Date to Date Night

It’s the innocent call or text, confirming a date is imminent that starts it all, the frenzy begins. We rush to pick up the dry cleaning, shower, laundry, search for an outfit, a sitter, and make reservations. If we’re lucky, this list of responsibilities didn’t exhaust us and we power on.
From our initial white lies in our first venture into online dating: seriously is he going to weigh you on the first date?

To those cryptic texts: what do you mean you are running late? — You must be stopping to get a quickie from your ex.

How is it that we ever meet, hook-up, stick it out through a couple years of monthly PMS and plan a wedding without shooting each other in the foot just to get discharged from the madness?

The word DATE brings tears to some of our eyes. Whether it’s the first date, the horrific blind-date or date night, it all starts out the same with “What am I going to wear?” Once that daunting duty is complete, we have covered the zit, shaved our legs, and painted our toes, we are ready for battle. With one last look in the mirror, sip of wine and lipstick check, we are ready for take-off.

-Skirt not stuck in stockings. Check.

-No random dog fur, dust bunny, toilet paper or sticker stuck to the shoes. Check.

-Bra, doing its job. Check.

-Lipstick on lips, not on teeth. Check.

-Hair looks a little better than that scene in Something About Mary, clean and brushed. Check.

-Keys, purse, flask, phone. Check.

Let’s do this. 

On first dates, we have some rules that we all abide by. As if it is in the unspoken laws of the sisterhood.

1. If he makes us pay for any portion of this date, that he asked us out on. It’s over.

2. If he brings any part of the festivities in a cooler to save money. He’s out.

3. If, for any reason, his list of things he would never do includes anything pleasurable for you. See ya later.

Although these laws still remain when going on date night with your husband, there are a few additions.

1. Does the babysitter look like she can dial 911?

2. When choosing what to wear, try not to cry about all the clothes that will fit again “someday”, because the benefit of yoga pants is they come off easy – at least that’s what you tell him.

3. If he decides on taking the mini-van, is there a clean blanket in back?

How bad could it be? Dive in. The date is about to begin.

 ***

  Don’t Put Chocolate in your Hoohaa- Just Trust Me, OK?

By Molley Mills

 You might think that not putting chocolate up inside yourself would be obvious ………..I’m a smart lady and that would seem like a given right? but I’m here to assure it’s not.

When you’re young and silly, you are apt to try new things. This is good because new experiences help you grow as a person. This is also true sexually. It’s important to explore things, how else do you find out what you like and what is just a little too kinky.

Of course you must be with someone you feel comfortable with and safe so that you can relax and enjoy whatever new experience you’re about to try. Or so I’ve heard, being that I’m still as pure as the driven snow……snort!

So this one time…………..

We were on the road, the King and I,

It was the early days, he was a rock musician and I was……..I was……..um………… the hotel room entertainment .

We spent a lot of time on the road going from town to town and gig to gig. It was really was lots of fun….. every time movies like The Banger Sisters, Almost Famous or Walk the Line or any other rock musician movie comes on tv we get a little nostalgic for the old days….but then we remember how hard it was too and how sucky living on the road really is. (sigh)

There we were in some little backwater town somewhere in Australia, and we decided we’d take a bath, with bubbles, cause baths with bubbles are more fun than without, especially for 2.

Things are moving along in the usual fashion (insert own dirty bath sex thoughts here) when I decided that some chocolate would be nice……to eat.

So I jumped out to get some, we got into a wrestle because I wasn’t sharing, the King wanted some and blah blah blah, you can picture the scene. He was almost able to grapple the chocolate from my grasp when I had a brainwave and hid it where you just shouldn’t.

Well, we both dissolved in fits of laughter, the King couldn’t believe it!

His face registered total shock.

He wasn’t getting MY chocolate -but then it happened…….remember we’re in a warm bath, with warm bodies and it’s chocolate ……..in a hoohaa and IT WON’T COME OUT.

It had started to melt so I couldn’t grab it……..panic registered on my face. Foreign objects were not a regular inclusion into my lady parts. I was am a good girl.

What were we gonna do? I had 6 squares of chocolate stuck, up inside me. INSIDE me.

Alternating between hysterical laughing and mild panic, we worked out that if I just sat in the warm water and kept washing, that eventually the chocolate would melt and come on out into the bath………….

And so it did (phew)

But for a little while I thought I was going to have to explain to the emergency department why I had a chocolate hoohaa.

14 Responses to Life Well Blogged – To Bliss and Back
  1. Mrs. Jen B
    February 1, 2013 | 11:31 am

    Oh my god that last story was hilarious! I’m sure the ER sees lots of stories like that, though. ;)

    • Jackie
      February 1, 2013 | 3:07 pm

      I know! I couldn’t believe it!

  2. Cori
    February 1, 2013 | 10:36 pm

    Oh.My.Gosh.

    That second story is hilarious!! I’m like Mrs. Jen B, and am curious how often stories like that do enter into the ER…and how the medical staff stay profession in cases of stupidity :)

    LMBO!

  3. Kimberly
    February 2, 2013 | 7:33 am

    I loved being part of this project :) Glad you are enjoying it!

    • Jackie
      February 3, 2013 | 7:45 pm

      I love it!

  4. Bridget A
    February 2, 2013 | 10:21 pm

    Oh my goodness, too funny!

    • Jackie
      February 3, 2013 | 7:45 pm

      I know! You should read some of the other stories in the book!

  5. Andrea
    February 3, 2013 | 1:54 pm

    Too funny! Yes, it seems obvious not to put chocolate… “there”, but strangers things have happened with befuddled lust-crazy brains.

    • Jackie
      February 3, 2013 | 7:46 pm

      I think that you’re probably right! On the upside chocolate does melt…

  6. Kiks
    February 4, 2013 | 4:22 am

    This is just so funny but kinda’ interesting to read. I must admit I started reading out the first lines and I couldn’t stop reading anymore. :)

    • Jackie
      February 4, 2013 | 8:24 am

      That’s a good thing!! The book if full of funny stories that I think we can all relate to on one level or another.

  7. Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell
    February 4, 2013 | 12:26 pm

    Oh my GOSH!!!! That is hysterically funny! I’m gonna have to read it if it’s full of silliness like this.

    • Jackie
      February 4, 2013 | 8:40 pm

      There were a few times I said that I was going to bed and decided to read instead… I had to keep from laughing so my husband didn’t know I was still up (he wanted me to watch a stupid movie w/him that I didn’t want to watch).

  8. Cassie
    February 7, 2013 | 2:08 pm

    I am going to have to go right now and purchase this on my iPad. These exerts were hilarious!

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