Day 10 ~ 30 Days of Truth

Day 10 — Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

30 Days of Truth

I’ve spent some time thinking about this and wasn’t sure if there was a person in my life that I needed to let go, or someone that I wish I didn’t know. There has to be someone, right?

Well, I thought about it for a while more and it finally came to me.

When I was married to my first husband we had many friends in common, male and female. There were a couple (female) with whom I became very good friends with. We had a great friendship, talked every day, and got together at least once a week. They were there when I had my youngest two daughters, with us for holidays, birthdays, and we even all went on a vacation together.

They were two of the closest friends that I had ever had.

When my husband and I split up and divorced the friendships became strained. I will admit that part of it was my fault and I apologized for it, more than once.

They chose sides and it wasn’t mine.

I quickly learned that they weren’t as good of friends as I thought. I was devastated.

After some time had passed we started talking again, but it wasn’t the same as before. Friend #1 wasn’t sure if she could be a friend again and friend #2 wouldn’t speak with me at all. I thought that if persisted and worked at it we would rebuild a friendship.

I emailed and tried to start and maintain conversations to no avail with friend #1. She’s invited me over and I’ve gone over to hang out, but things were tense or maybe it was just me that noticed it. She hasn’t come to my home though.

Eventually friend #2 came around and started talking to me again. Whenever we see one another we talk for a while and catch up, but we’re not friends like we were. Just acquaintances. I think that if I needed something or if one of the girls did she’d try her best to help me.

I’ve know for a long time that we won’t rebuild those friendships, nor will we come close to it. There will always be distance between us and this saddens me. I hope that I will have a close friendship again like that.

I’ve come to realize that I need to let them go. The friendships are over. Done.

Want to know more about 30 Days of Truth? Check out the first post here!

20 Responses to Day 10 ~ 30 Days of Truth
  1. Anonymous
    January 15, 2011 | 3:51 am

    I am sorry, but good for you! It is so hard to let go like that, but yet, sometimes we just have to … Sigh.

    Hugs to you. And you will find that connection again, somewhere else. With better people who are there for you.

    • Jackie
      January 16, 2011 | 3:27 am

      Thank you. I know that I will find true friends again.

  2. Katie Hurley
    January 15, 2011 | 3:54 am

    I know this feeling well. I was unable to attend a very close friend’s wedding some years back because, a few days before I was to fly, I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks and had to have a D&C. The doctor wouldn’t clear me in time. She turned her back. I knew she would be upset, but thought I could repair things. How many times can you apologize for something that you didn’t want to happen anyway? We talked once, I hung up feeling horrible, and then I finally let her go. It still makes me sad sometimes. I’m a little behind, but these posts are great.

    http://www.practicalkatie.com

    • Jackie
      January 16, 2011 | 3:26 am

      What?!?! That is so not a true friend! I can’t believe that she would be upset with you over that! It was totally unfair of her to act that way.

      • 30ish Mama
        January 16, 2011 | 5:01 am

        I agree, if she were a true friend she would understand that you were going through a difficult time.

  3. Mads Mom
    January 15, 2011 | 8:51 am

    I too am sorry. I’ve so been there, trying to hold together the threads of the fabric for a relationship that was beyond mending. You will find those true and lasting friends. And they will be lucky to have you.

    • Jackie
      January 16, 2011 | 3:25 am

      Thank you! My guess is that you find those good friends when you least expect it.

  4. Tough Cookie Mommy
    January 15, 2011 | 9:25 am

    I’ve had to let go of some friendships that were stagnant lately too. It’s hard to end a friendship that, at one point, was so close. It really made me wonder if there was something wrong with my judgment to begin with because I chose to get close to people that turned out not to be such great friends after all. I am definitely more guarded now about who I strike up friendships with. It’s sad that we have to be like that because people can be so shady sometimes.

    • Jackie
      January 16, 2011 | 3:24 am

      I agree, people can be shady. It’s hard to tell who are the good ones and who isn’t.

  5. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jackie Cross, Jackie Cross. Jackie Cross said: I'm letting go. http://bit.ly/dXjqMS #30DoT [...]

  6. Jill
    January 15, 2011 | 7:43 pm

    They were seasons. :)

    • Jackie
      January 16, 2011 | 3:23 am

      I think you’re right. It’s hard to know what whether a friend is in your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime.

  7. 30ish Mama
    January 16, 2011 | 5:08 am

    I’ve seen people do this and it is very unfortunate. As if a divorce wasn’t painful enough, now you have to divide up your friends as well. But if they were real friends they would have been there for you instead of making you feel worse.

    • Jackie
      January 16, 2011 | 4:21 pm

      You’re right. But it was partially my fault. At the same time I think that there should have been a level of understanding and forgiveness (eventually).

  8. Mommyfriend
    January 16, 2011 | 6:13 pm

    So hard. I seen this happen so many times, even with my own parents. It’s truly devastating. This was a great post, I appreciate the honesty in it. So many people are in the same position. Hugs.

    • Jackie
      January 17, 2011 | 2:53 am

      Thank you!
      I don’t know why this has to happen this way. I guess that it’s just the way we are as humans… we choose sides and often for the wrong reasons.
      The best thing we can do is move on and hope for the best.

  9. Kate Kastelein
    January 16, 2011 | 7:34 pm

    Ugh, it’s such a hard thing to let relationships go. This is oddly pertinent to my life. I have some friends I definitely need to let go of, and people I just need to try to forget. I’ve decided to put my energy into relationships that are positive and fulfilling and stop wasting time and energy on ones that aren’t. Thanks for sharing this. It’s good to know others are in the same boat, even if it’s a crappy boat to be in.

    • Jackie
      January 17, 2011 | 2:54 am

      I bet that there are a lot of us in this boat and some just don’t realize it yet. Know what I mean?

  10. Becky
    February 16, 2011 | 10:43 pm

    Great post! The difficulty with forgiving someone is so hard, but there seems to be peace. I really enjoy your insight on this. I’d love to read more on this topic.

    I recently stumbled upon another blog like I stumbled upon yours and I really appreciated their insight. I thought you might enjoy it: http://burisonthecouch.wordpress.com/2010/11/17/forgiveness/

    Thanks for the post!

    • Jackie
      February 17, 2011 | 2:38 am

      Thanks! I’ll check it out!

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