My first thought was to just skip the post for today and play around on Pinterest for a while. It mostly made sense since I hadn’t been there in a while, but the post won for a few reasons. 1) It’s been on my mind and I really think I’ll feel better if I write and 2) Pinterest will be there waiting for me as soon as this post is finished.
Last week was a bad week for me. Really bad and I don’t know why, what caused it, or how to prevent it from happening again.
It was all me. 100% me.
I was angry at everything and everyone and I knew it… I was able to see it but I couldn’t make it stop.
I was in a terrible mood. I recognized this as well and as hard as I tried I couldn’t shake it or keep it from affecting everything in my life.
I was very low on patience. This is a bad thing when you have a very busy toddler who barely slows down when he has a double ear infection AND pink eye.
There were highs and lows all week long and I had a dull headache for more than half of the week from it all. Maybe the headache was the root cause of my bad week or the constant state of cold, wet weather. PMS? Possibly, but my good friend Mirena has blocked our dear Aunt Flo from visiting so it’s hard to tell anymore. I honestly do not know what it was.
The littlest things would set me off and I’d snap at someone or worse yet I’d yell at them, especially when my patience wore to thin. It was something that I didn’t feel like I could control no matter what I did. And I tried…. but I don’t think that it was enough.
The worst part about it was that I knew I was in a bad mood and feeling angry… I knew it. I could feel it’s grip on me all day long. All I wanted was to be left alone… totally alone. I didn’t want to go anywhere, help anyone, make dinner, or even go to work. Alone with my Diet Coke or any other pop (soda) and my books.
My books were the one place I could get lost and mostly forget about the anger that encompassed me all week. Books were the place that I found some bit of solace. I was alone in my books where nobody bothered me or wore my patience thinner than they already were.
To say that I felt terrible was an understatement. Feeling like you’re that angry and in such a bad mood makes it a challenge to be a good parent… hell, it makes it hard to me a mediocre parent. I feel like I let me kids and family down because I wasn’t the person I should be… I wasn’t the person that they deserve.
This is the first time that I’ve felt like this… my hope is that it’s also the last.
This week has been better. A lot better.
I’m tired though and there is a lot of tension in my neck and shoulders. It’s like the weight of the anger & the bad mood has been lifted and my body is now bearing the marks that are left behind from the previous week.
Did writing this help? A little. I will tell you that I have not gone back to edit this at all for fear that I’d change it to much from my original thoughts and feelings as I wrote. It’s better this way I think.
Linking up with Shell for Pour Your Heart Out.