A week of anger

My first thought was to just skip the post for today and play around on Pinterest for a while. It mostly made sense since I hadn’t been there in a while, but the post won for a few reasons. 1) It’s been on my mind and I really think I’ll feel better if I write and 2) Pinterest will be there waiting for me as soon as this post is finished.

Last week was a bad week for me. Really bad and I don’t know why, what caused it, or how to prevent it from happening again.

It was all me. 100% me.

I was angry at everything and everyone and I knew it… I was able to see it but I couldn’t make it stop.

I was in a terrible mood. I recognized this as well and as hard as I tried I couldn’t shake it or keep it from affecting everything in my life.

I was very low on patience. This is a bad thing when you have a very busy toddler who barely slows down when he has a double ear infection AND pink eye.

There were highs and lows all week long and I had a dull headache for more than half of the week from it all. Maybe the headache was the root cause of my bad week or the constant state of cold, wet weather. PMS? Possibly, but my good friend Mirena has blocked our dear Aunt Flo from visiting so it’s hard to tell anymore. I honestly do not know what it was.

The littlest things would set me off and I’d snap at someone or worse yet I’d yell at them, especially when my patience wore to thin. It was something that I didn’t feel like I could control no matter what I did. And I tried…. but I don’t think that it was enough.

The worst part about it was that I knew I was in a bad mood and feeling angry… I knew it. I could feel it’s grip on me all day long. All I wanted was to be left alone… totally alone. I didn’t want to go anywhere, help anyone, make dinner, or even go to work. Alone with my Diet Coke or any other pop (soda) and my books.

My books were the one place I could get lost and mostly forget about the anger that encompassed me all week. Books were the place that I found some bit of solace. I was alone in my books where nobody bothered me or wore my patience thinner than they already were.

To say that I felt terrible was an understatement. Feeling like you’re that angry and in such a bad mood makes it a challenge to be a good parent… hell, it makes it hard to me a mediocre parent. I feel like I let me kids and family down because I wasn’t the person I should be… I wasn’t the person that they deserve.

This is the first time that I’ve felt like this… my hope is that it’s also the last.

some days

Courtesy of Pinterest

This week has been better. A lot better.

I’m tired though and there is a lot of tension in my neck and shoulders. It’s like the weight of the anger & the bad mood has been lifted and my body is now bearing the marks that are left behind from the previous week.

Did writing this help? A little. I will tell you that I have not gone back to edit this at all for fear that I’d change it to much from my original thoughts and feelings as I wrote. It’s better this way I think.

Linking up with Shell for Pour Your Heart Out.

32 Responses to A week of anger
  1. Adrienne
    February 27, 2013 | 7:58 am

    I hate feeling like that. Especially, when we don’t have a good excuse, like PMS. Books are definitely a safe haven for me, when I’m feeling like I want to strangle the people around me. They keep me quiet, which is better for everyone, and they offer an escape. I’m hope this week is better!

    • Jackie
      February 28, 2013 | 8:38 am

      That is exactly how I felt! Leave me alone with my books and all will be well… eventually.

  2. Kimberly
    February 27, 2013 | 8:53 am

    This has been me this week. While I do recognize that it’s happening, I can’t seem to shake it.

    • Jackie
      February 28, 2013 | 8:37 am

      It’s so hard to try and change it! It’s even worse when you recognize it and feel that there is nothing you can do. So helpless in a way.

  3. Andrea
    February 27, 2013 | 9:48 am

    It is so hard. I hate those days because they usually start with what seems like “no reason” but you know there is something under there that is biting at you a bit. (hugs) for the suckky day and I hope it stays in the past and you move forward w/o feeling so rough. You’re definitely not alone, though. So many of us have them and hole up and hide. I’m glad you wrote about yours!

    • Jackie
      February 28, 2013 | 8:36 am

      It’s good to know that I’m not alone. That makes it just a little bit better, know what I mean?

  4. Xiomara | Equis Place
    February 27, 2013 | 10:16 am

    I sure know what it’s like to be angry at everything and everyone. It’s hard to be kind when I feel so emotionally turmoiled. I’m glad this week has been better for you, and I hope next week will be even better. P.S. Your toddler sounds so active!

    • Jackie
      February 28, 2013 | 8:16 am

      Thank you! He is VERY active… more so than his sisters ever were.

  5. Mrs. Jen B
    February 27, 2013 | 11:17 am

    Oh, honey, I’ve definitely been there (recently, in fact). It’s a scary place to be sometimes, when you don’t know why you’re feeling the way you do. I hope things pick up for you and that you start feeling better – I know it takes a physical toll as well. You know where your friends are if you ever need us. I mean that.

    • Jackie
      February 28, 2013 | 8:14 am

      I am feeling a lot better this week. Thank you for being here… I appreciate it.

  6. angie
    February 27, 2013 | 4:13 pm

    I know that writing always makes me feel better, whether I publish it or not. Here’s hoping you have a MUCH better week! {{hugs!}}

    • Jackie
      February 28, 2013 | 8:13 am

      Thank you! I think that writing does help get it out there and see how we’re really feeling and then deal with it.

  7. Hanan
    February 27, 2013 | 4:49 pm

    I’m really sorry you had a horrible week. Just know, you are not alone. ((HUGS))

    Not sure if you caught my post last week, but Anger was the topic of Church. Please read it, if you have a chance to =) http://lilaccitymomma.com/2013/02/bible-to-everyday-life-anger-into-forgiveness/

    • Jackie
      February 28, 2013 | 8:13 am

      Thank you! I’m going to head over and read it right now.

  8. Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell
    February 27, 2013 | 4:50 pm

    I’m so glad that you feel safe to vent here, and I love your honesty. My first reaction was that it had to be PMS-based, but like you said, you can’t tell. I’m just glad that this week is a much better one for you.

    Hugs!!!

    • Jackie
      February 28, 2013 | 8:12 am

      You know it’s possible that it’s PMS based I just have no idea of knowing for sure! LOL! Today has been a good day so far and it’s only 8am!

  9. Emmy
    February 27, 2013 | 5:27 pm

    I have had times like this too. Times where as much as I hate how I am feeling, I am almost want it too- not wanting someone to help me feel better. For me just admitting I am feeling that way-not to have someone say it’s okay or try to help– but just the admitting it and saying it often helps me start to break out of it. Hope posting about it helped.

    • Jackie
      February 28, 2013 | 8:11 am

      I think that it did and to try and pretend that it was nothing isn’t good either. Hopefully if it happens again I’ll be able to pull out of it better.

  10. michelle
    February 27, 2013 | 5:31 pm

    I am sorry you had such a bad week! know that you are not alone and unfortunately we all go through this (or at least I do!) when I am at my worst, I literally remove myself from everything, walk outside or blast a favorite song, just three minutes helps me refocus and calm the craziness!

    • Jackie
      February 28, 2013 | 8:11 am

      I think that spring needs to get here and soon! It seems like it’s always gray, wet, and dismal out here and getting outside is next to impossible.

  11. jill
    February 27, 2013 | 7:44 pm

    So glad to hear it’s been a little bit better. This reminds me of the quote, you have to endure the rain to enjoy the rainbow. Just keep swimming girl.

    • Jackie
      February 28, 2013 | 8:10 am

      You’re right and I can see that now. Last week… not so much.

  12. Tesa @ 2 Wired 2 Tired
    February 27, 2013 | 8:39 pm

    I think everyone has days like that. I’m glad to hear this week is better and that your books helped you get through. I find books to be a great escape and stress reliever as well.

    • Jackie
      February 28, 2013 | 8:09 am

      I think that books are the perfect escape from just about anything that is troubling you. Of course, you do have to eventually address the issue(s) but they do help.

  13. FiddleDeeAshley
    February 28, 2013 | 9:54 am

    Weeks like that are hard, and they’re even harder when you’re a mom because most of the time we can’t really get away and be alone. I’m glad you’re on the other side of the anger now and I hope it leads to some great days.

  14. Shell
    February 28, 2013 | 10:30 am

    I’m glad you are having a better week this week.

    Thank you for your honesty about your bed week last week- it makes me feel better and less alone about the bad ones I have!

  15. Carrie with Children
    February 28, 2013 | 11:02 am

    So sorry to hear you had a bad week. It makes me feel good to know that others also have these type funks too. I’m not alone! Hope things continue to look up for you!

  16. Missy @ Wonder, Friend
    February 28, 2013 | 6:17 pm

    I have felt like this, and I understand the frustration of recognizing it and yet continuing to be *in* it.

    At some point, sometimes quickly and sometimes a week or so into it, I feel lighter. The mood lifts and I feel silly for ever having been such a crank. But it’s not a silly thing, is it? I think it’s dangerous to let our moods control us (or to give in to them, maybe?), but equally dangerous to not acknowledge how we’re feeling. Better to recognize it, not beat ourselves up for the way we’re feeling, and focus on getting out of it. Does that make any sense? I’m rambling…

    So glad you’re having a better week!

  17. Mindi
    March 1, 2013 | 12:06 am

    I hope you had a much better week! I hate when I have those days that lead into more than one day. I think the long, cold winter does not help it at all. Plus toddlers will drive you crazy too! :)

  18. The Loving Parent
    March 1, 2013 | 5:11 am

    Ah that’s tough. But know that we all have times like that. It’s all part of the ebb & flow.
    Pleased to hear this week is going better.
    Don’t beat yourself up about a bad week. Just accept it for what it is, take some time out for YOU (if at all possible) and re-connect with all the good things in life. And if the anger comes back, just see it for what it is and know that it too shall pass.
    Hugs. x

  19. Cassie
    March 1, 2013 | 3:56 pm

    Girl maybe it is in the air because I had a bad week last week too. So no you are not alone. I am glad this week it better.

  20. Kerri @SavvyMomNYC
    March 4, 2013 | 9:08 pm

    I hope this week is a better one!

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