A Letter to What Not To Wear

I’m on vacation!!
Today I have the wonderful Missy Stevens here to entertain you! I am really excited to have her here because at the last minute I asked if anyone wanted to guest post and she answered my plea immediately! I couldn’t be more thankful! So without further ado please give Missy a warm & magical welcome and leave her lots of love!
Dear Stacy and Clinton,
I love What Not To Wear. I like watching people discover their style and figure out what flatters them. I’m insanely jealous of the $5,000 gift cards that must be spent on new clothes and shoes. And I love the aha moment when it clicks for some participants and they realize that, shallow though it may be, the truth is: many people won’t bother to judge you based on the insides if the outsides look like you robbed Goodwill during a bad trip.
If I love the show so much, why do you sense a but coming? Because you’re smart and intuitive, that’s why.
You have a good show, but you are overlooking an important segment of the population: Moms, during the summer months. Personally, here in central Texas your tips are perfect from November through March. But every year I fight a seven-month battle of style vs. sweat.
Let’s discuss.
You always recommend layers, like adding a cardigan or light jacket to an outfit. In July in Austin, the only thing I’m layering is regular deodorant on top of clinical strength deodorant.
While I might be able to throw on a light sweater inside a movie theater or a restaurant – no, I’m going to stop right there. You know what kinds of movies and restaurants moms patronize in the summer? Kid friendly kinds.
The shear physicality of wrestling kids in and out of high chairs, rescuing them from the top of the Chick-Fil-A play area, or simply having them sit in your lap during a movie (so sweet, so much body heat) leaves moms soggy. And that sweater we threw in our purse in case the theater was cold? We just used it to wipe up spilled juice.
I cannot accessorize in the summer. Can’t do it. About the time I have my kids buckled in their car seats, I’m ripping off my jewelry and throwing it in my purse. Forget about belts. They only create upstairs and downstairs lines of demarcation for the pooling perspiration.
In my purse right now: a multi-strand beaded necklace, worn approximately 13 minutes before I had a matching sweat necklace; a chunky, red bracelet that looked fantastic with my blue and white striped tee shirt and white pants, until a puddle formed under the bracelet; a pair of dangling earrings that became stuck to my neck, due to – you guessed it – sweat that was mixed with sunscreen, forming a glue-like paste that attached the lovely earrings to my neck.
In this one area we’re probably okay. I don’t want any leather or other toasty material wrapped around my ankles. Hello, ankle sweat. But as long as I can chase down a rogue toddler in them, I don’t take issue with stylish shoes in the heat.
Wrap Dresses
I single out wrap dresses, and their faux sisters, for a couple reasons. One, I redirect you to the discussion of belts (see above) and two, they are often made of jersey or some equally clingy material. Clingy material in 100 degree heat: unless you’re into bondage, it’s not comfortable.
Hair and Makeup
Oh, forget it. Hair goes in a ponytail. Faces get sunscreen and waterproof mascara.
In conclusion, I am hot. I am sweaty. I look terrible. I would love to be fashionable and put together every day. But when I do take the time to look like a million bucks, the Texas heat renders me a damp $2 bill in seven minutes or less.
Stacy and Clinton, I beg you: help the summertime mom.
Yours Always, In Fashion and Out, And Very Rarely Wearing Yoga Pants In Public, I Promise,
Missy Stevens
Sweaty Mom
Missy Stevens writes, blogs, raises a couple boys with a very good man, and fails at homemaking in Austin, Texas. She’s a reformed social media addict, meaning she’s only on Facebook and Twitter part of every day now. You can also find her once a week or so on her blog, Wonder, Friend.
13 Responses to A Letter to What Not To Wear
  1. Mrs. Weber
    July 5, 2012 | 9:32 am

    This is SO true! I’ve often had those same thoughts and we have no where near the temps Texas has here in Michigan…Style simply doesn’t always seem to work in the life of a mom. Give me something comfortable (with comfortable shoes) and very minimal accessories (because we all know how much toddlers love to pull at earrings and necklaces) and a ponytail and I’m good. Stacy and Clinton would have a fit!

    • Missy @ Wonder, Friend
      July 5, 2012 | 10:03 am

      Wouldn’t they have a fit? I would love for them to come spend a few days with me and some other moms, and THEN help me buy some new clothes!

  2. Missy @ Wonder, Friend
    July 5, 2012 | 10:02 am

    Jackie, thanks so much for having me here today! Hope your vacation is fantastic!

  3. Kimberly at Rubber Chicken Madness
    July 5, 2012 | 1:11 pm

    Hysterical because it speaketh the truth! (Even in Missouri, I’m struggling to want to wear more than a summer skirt, flip flops and a tank top)

    • Missy @ Wonder, Friend
      July 5, 2012 | 4:52 pm

      I agree – flip flops and tanks are the way to go. Pretty much anything over 90 degrees is too hot to wrestle kids AND dress nicely, and this summer most of the U.S. is suffering with much higher temps. Not pleasant!

  4. Jessica
    July 5, 2012 | 1:42 pm

    Layering doesn’t work in Florida either. :) I feel your pain! This is great.

  5. Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell
    July 5, 2012 | 3:51 pm

    You make a good point! What are they thinking with layers every single stinking time?!

  6. Missy @ Wonder, Friend
    July 5, 2012 | 4:58 pm

    I don’t know! I agree that the layers look nice – the right jacket or sweater does wonders for an outfit. It’s just not an option at 102 degrees.

  7. Leigh Ann
    July 5, 2012 | 5:59 pm

    Seriously. Let me at Clinton and Stacy so I can tell them how it really is! Also, I have a serious crush on Clinton, so there may be an ulterior motive there.

    • Missy @ Wonder, Friend
      July 7, 2012 | 11:30 am

      I kind of have a crush on both of them. I think they would be a lot of fun to hang out with. Might be time to start a campaign to get them here…

  8. Amber
    July 8, 2012 | 10:23 pm

    Alright. It’s been 100 here for the last couple weeks, and I have two things to say:
    1. I am never moving to Texas
    2. If it’s more complicated than a sun dress and sandals, I’m out
    3. Growing out hair in 100 degrees sucks

    Okay that was three. Oh well. I can’t count in this heat.

  9. Shell
    July 10, 2012 | 5:29 pm

    I would love to have them recommend stylish yet mom-friendly clothes for me!

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